Paralyzed

I feel paralyzed by stress. I have choices to make.

My shipment arrives in Austin, TX today. This shipment contains products that have already been ordered and paid for by new wholesale customers trusting me for the first time and hoping I will get their orders to them in time to sell to their customers for Valentine's day.

I have an opportunity to sell at an event in San Antonio this evening in place of a friend who can't make it. Backing out would mean losing some potential revenue and letting down a friend.

I have a show Sat and Sun, as well as on Monday.

Basically, it comes down to: what is more important to me? providing service to wholesale customers, with whom there is such a low margin, but potentially long term repeat revenue, or the riskier, harder and more profitable retail opportunity.

Marketing

Marketing is like the Ultimate fairy tale Quest. The brave young person with a vision that most don't understand or can't imagine, sets out on the road carrying his precious grail or sword or trophy. He believes so strongly in what he carries. He meets with people, explains what it is and why he loves it; they pass him by. He keeps going, becoming hungry and tired and haggard but still believing in what he carries.

Finally, at what seems like is the end of his rope, another person puts their belief in him, and the story gets better and the journey gets a little easier. Maybe it's an old crone who tends him, maybe someone lends critical advice, maybe a younger one decides to follow. But no matter what form it's in, it is a relief. Because any form of attention is better than none. The hardest thing for a human to bear is to walk around in the world with a full and open heart expressing oneself, wanting to share and to help, and soliciting no reaction - as if he did not exist.

Direct Mail, CPC, SEO, email marketing, knocking on doors... How much longer until someone looks up...

If the marketing quest really is like the fairy tale, the big break will come when I have nearly given up but just for the hell of it, tried one more time. And if the metaphor continues, once I have finally earned what I needed, the whole world will come pouring in wanting a piece of it - and when that happens I will no longer need them.

Clearing the Path - Did I pick the wrong jungle?

I wonder, if I had picked a different industry or a different idea to launch into, might it have been easier? My ROE (return on effort) feels unnaturally small... like my idea is too normal - not unheard of or extremely different - the market is too saturated, my customers have too many options, and yet I push anyway. I push and I push and I will keep pushing because I have nothing else better to do. I am starting to notice or feel that it shouldn't be this hard - that something is wrong. But if I scrap this project and start offer with a leaner, smarter plan - I will have to push all over again from scratch and who's to say it would be as easy as it looked in the beginning.

I will just keep going, and change as I go as it needs to be changed, and hope that path will lead me down to something really good and that I pave the way for future things to be easier.

Sunday

I am so grateful for Sundays. It seems like in an entrepreneur's days, there are so many millions of things that one should be doing. A million people who want things, and even more millions of people who could be made to want things. I could mail in my contracts, but the post office is closed. I could go knock on stores' doors to sell my product, but they are all closed. No one has sent me an email in the last 4 hours. All the problems and pressings seem to be holding themselves back until monday. Even if I would like to deal with them, they are not available to me. So I think I'll just read Wuthering Heights.

My first big blow...

Well...

I tried listening, I tried admitting fault, I went by the store, I called. In the end, I was limited to email. My biggest wholesale order ever asked for a refund after the money had already been spent on manufacturing. I will have to get a loan from my dad to pay her.

You know... I knew it too, I could almost feel that it wouldn't work. She spent so much time talking about shoplifters and how her store was full of security and no one was going to rip her off, etc. She is a middle aged dinosaur who thinks the internet is magic run by evil men in the background pulling levers, she hit the button twice and got charged twice.

I don't know if she thought I was trying to steal from her, if she thinks my systems are just faulty, or if she really just changed her mind about the purchase. This one was a loss. It was my first big loss.

I am 26 years old, petite blonde girl. I come in polished and promising answering questions and talking smart - making it sound like I am the captain of a great jewelry empire, when in reality I cart around all my jewelry in my truck and sometimes sleep in my truck to save money when doing promotional shows. I wonder sometimes, if they knew how much their business means to me - that I either have a place in the world or I'm still searching all over from scratch - would they want to buy it more? Do businesses feel good about supporting young artists? Or do they want that perfect facade in order to feel smart in their choice?

Or is it that it was so hard for them to get their start that they want to make it hard for me and everyone else - that generational retribution which we humans so naturally seek.

I do have one golden tidbit: those competitors of hers she wanted to make sure I wouldn't sell to who always secret shop her store and "steal all her ideas and copy everything she does" might just get a visit...

Selling and Rejection

The early days of entrepreneurship are 80% sales and 20% everything else. Maybe you have a great mind, maybe a great idea, strategy and work ethic. But it crumbles quickly if there are no sales. But selling is hard.

If you wanted to be an entrepreneur so you could get away from your terrible boss, you find that you have traded the one in for 100 just like him but worse. They are customers and potential customers. They will scorn you, reject you, slam the door in your face, listen to you talk about the thing you created with your love and passion for solving THEIR problem and then they will tell you no.

They will tell you there is no more budget left, no space on their shelves, the timing isn't right, come back in a few months then maybe, they will meet with you, take up your time, select their order and then never follow through with payment and drop contact, or they will place the order and you will manufacture and then they will change their mind and demand a refund.

I am beginning to think it is not enough to be strong, dedicated, a good listener, and honest with a great product. You have to be super-human. You have to have bullet proof skin and breathe under water.

Today my biggest wholesale account ever, her first order already in production, decided to cancel her order and get a full refund. In one fell swoop, after her bad breakfast cereal or an article in the paper, she got inspired to write me a 2 line email that could possible kill my entire enterprise.

And the saddest part is that I know when she sees the product she will love it and when she puts it in her store, it will make her money.

So I am getting into my car now, to spend $15 more dollars on gas to drive to her store and listen to whatever she says and duck as best I can if she throws things, and when she's done blowing out at me, try to get her to reconsider.